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Drunken with sleep
she stumbles
The tears that sit frozen crystal-clear on her face
are reminders of everything that she is
They are forlorn diamond drops
beautiful somehow, some way
in spite of the quivering tragedy they hold
She bites the inside of her cheeks
blood blossoming like velvet rose petals that whisper
"irony, irony"
Anything to distract her
anything to take her mind away
anything to gnaw on
other than this bitter regret
that sits cold and heavy in the pit of her stomach
Clutching her arms
she is numb
Void of any and all expression
for that is how she chooses to be tonight
And tomorrow
who knows?
It is interchangeable
For who is she, really?
Someone left behind long ago in some hidden faraway
place
Scars are testimonies that marr the milky-sweet
expanse of pale transparent skin;
skin that hangs grudgingly on her too-thin frame
For her soul is just visible
aching to show itself
These days, though, it is carefully concealed
She just wants everyone to know that she can bleed,
too
Closing her eyes she is taken
back to when life was carefree and lovely
Dreams hung large in the sky
summer's breeze was a sweet breath upon her body
and giggling laughter
faded into innocent tiny kisses
The sugary nights are gone now
put far away within
Treasured; they are memories to be examined when
things seem bleakest
She was misled by mandarine orange naivety
false promises of something better
something always better
City lights search her
from her scarlet fingertips right down to the matching
toes
And the chips in the polish
remind her that nothing is perfect
Swirling forgotten stares are impervious
she is blind to it all tonight
But perhaps it is better
though she feels as if nothing could surprise her now
She blankly plunders on
but the mirror doesn't lie,
through all its cracks and distortions
Her eyes are singing an anguished requiem
The ice-blue depths that were once all insatiable
curiousness and pure innocence
are fringed by clumped, weighed- down eyelashes
Cheap, bright lipstick
proves that the little girl is gone
the girl that chased her beautiful fragile dreams
with such determination
is doused with the cruelest of realizations
and the reality flows over her like kerosene
Something cool and chemical and foreign
tasting of That Man who touched her last night
and the drink she downed
s o
e a s i l y
Then she resigns herself to life as it really is
She straightens her miniscule skirt
such as it is
applies more makeup
and wipes away the tears that never should have fallen
She opens the door
letting the harsh world surround and suffocate her
it's a noose around her neck
so tight
She's becoming plastic again
She exhales a breath fringed with cigarette smoke and
desperate longing
takes a faltering stiletto step
and goes to greet reality
the last of her innocence dissolved.